The 5 Things I Am NOT Looking Forward To In Tonight’s Game As A Redskins Fan

1. The entire game

  • Let’s be honest, the Redskins and Bears both stink. Some people thought the Bears would be Super Bowl contenders this year but they forgot the Bears don’t throw more than five yards down the field. And the Redskins are the Redskins and will forever be the Redskins. My official prediction is Bears 16-6. This game is going to be grosser than 2 Girls 1 Cup.

2. It’s going to be on national television

  • It’s Monday, so everyone is probably having withdrawals from football after the weekend and unfortunately, they will all get their fix with possibly the worst game of all time. Both the Bears and Redskins are historically bad in prime time games (not as bad as the Jets though). To make matters even worse, the game is at Fed-Ex Field, the absolute worst field in any professional sports league (except for the Raiders football/baseball field, that field STINKS). Hopefully no one tears any ligaments like our last franchise quarterback did, but that’s unlikely because…

3. Ereck Flowers vs. Khalil Mack

  • This is quite literally the biggest mismatch in the history of the National Football League. We went from having the best left tackle in the league in Trent Williams to having the worst left tackle in the league in Ereck Flowers. That’s not hyperbole, that’s fact. Just ask the Giants. Now Ereck Flowers is going up against the best defensive end in the league in Khalil Mack (barring maybe Aaron Donald). I am absolutely dreading watching everyone on our offense tear their ACL/MCL/Achilles because of Ereck Flowers/Khalil Mack. It’s not going to be fun to watch at all.

4. The Redskins defense not doing jack shit against a mediocre offense AGAIN

  • Remember Landon Collins? Remember how we gave him a billion dollars this offseason? Well we’re 1/8th of the way through the season and he hasn’t done shit yet. He was supposed to be the next Sean Taylor and I haven’t heard the announcer call his name once this season. Granted, he’s leading the team in tackles (so I probably have heard his name called a couple times and I just forgot) but still, our defense is giving up over 30 points a game and he’s supposed to be the rock of the defense. If our offense of going to suck, I’m going to need our defense to be good, otherwise we’re just the Dolphins of the mid-Atlantic.

5. People talking up Terry McLaurin like he’s the second coming of Jesus

  • Look, I like Terry McLaurin. He was a solid 3rd round pick and he’s done great in his first two games as a rookie. I also think he’s going to be even better when Dwayne Haskins starts playing…
  • He’s caught a total of 10 passes in the NFL on a team that has absolutely no other offensive weapons. Let’s calm down with the Jesus talk for now.

I could go on forever about all the things that are going to suck about tonight’s game but I’m still going to watch it anyway because I’m a degenerate piece of shit that is full-on addicted to the also-degenerate Redskins. Hail… I guess.